Hailing Frequencies Issue #307

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Argh! There are few things as impatience-making as waiting for your yarn to come from that ebay auction!

Remember all the money Walt Disney Pictures made from Aladdin? It had some pretty successful straight-to-video sequels, too. Well, the Mouse that Rakes it In has picked up a modern-day Aladdin story from Bill Kelly for Adam Shankman's Offspring Entertainment, with Shankman himself probably directing. Kelly is currently writing a similar modern-day fairy-tale movie for Disney: Enchanted.

Yeesh. It's yet more casting news for Alias, with Balthazar Getty signing on as Thomas Grace, a new APO agent.

Warner Home Video will release Batman Begins on DVD October 18th in two versions: a single-disc edition that contains the movie only and a two-disc edition that includes a 72-page comic book and several hours of DVD extras. These include:

Lucy Lawless will guest-star on Battlestar Galactica September 9 in the episode "Final Cut," and I'm trying to get an interview with her. Anyone have a question they want me to ask her? And she's currently here in New Orleans, so it's not like the call is going to cost much. (No, I don't pay for the call, so this isn't really important. I can't help it. For me, everything is better when it's on sale.) Meanwhile, she told SCI FI Wire that she didn't know about the new Galactica series, but liked what she saw on the set: "The sets weren't all shiny, like the previous Battlestar Galactica," she said. "They were grungy and all beaten up. It has that post-apocalyptic rawness. It's genius."

Lawless is happy to be able to use her native New Zealand accent: "I've never wanted to use my real voice before…But for this role….it seemed appropriate." The full interview, which includes some serious spoilers, is here.

The winners of the 20th annual Chesley Awards, presented to individual artists for achievements in SF art during the year, were presented Aug. 5 at Interaction, the World Science Fiction Convention, in Glasgow, Scotland. Named in honor of astronomical artist Chesley Bonestell after his death in 1986, the awards are sponsored by the Association of Science Fiction and Fantasy Artists. A list of winners follows.

Stephen King, John Grisham, include Dorothy Allison, Michael Chabon, Dave Eggers, Karen Joy Fowler, Neil Gaiman, Andrew Sean Greer, Grisham, King, Jonathan Lethem, Rick Moody, Z.Z. Packer, Nora Roberts, Lemony Snicket, Peter Straub, Amy Tan and Ayelet Waldman will put your name in a novel in an upcoming auction to raise money for the First Amendment Project, a California-based nonprofit group that promotes freedom of information and expression. Check out the auction here.

Nintendo's new Game Boy Micro, for the cell phone, will reach American stores September 19th, SRP $99. Weighing in at just 80 grams, the Micro will play all the same games as the current Game Boy Advance SP.

Tom Clancey's Splinter Cell is the latest to-film game the studios are fighting over, and it looks like DreamWorks will take it over from Paramount. Clancy and Ubi Soft's Yves Guillemot will executive produce the movie, but the script and director are not finalized.

Adrian Paul has put up AdrianPaulPeace.org, dedicated to protecting, educating and aiding children and a result of Paul's work towards relief for victims of the South Asian tsunami. The Website is raising money to organize assistance that will directly benefit the residents of the island of Koh Phi Phi off the southeast coast of Thailand. The island is also the home of Paul's brother, Andrew.

Joining new people on the island Michelle Rodriguez and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, some as-yet unrevealed by famous actress is being sought by the producers for the second season cast, or so says USA Today.

Spoiler, highlight to read: Carrie Fisher will be on the October 27 episode of Smallville as Pauline Kahn, current editor-in-chief of The Daily Planet.

Rick writes me: "I have tried in recent days to subscribe to Star Trek Communicator, online that is. It seems that they are now tied together with FanHQ (http://startrek.fanhq.com/). I had gotten to where you are to enter the appropriate info when I noticed a message suggesting you read an article before subscribing. This is where I got stuck." And over at TrekToday, they have posted: "A fan who calls himself mrbonkers posted in this forum thread that he had written to the editor of the Communicator, Larry Nemecek, who told him that Decipher was no longer publishing the magazine but assured fans at the Las Vegas Creation convention that 'Paramount will not let the Fan Club and magazine die.' He wrote that the magazine would return and a formal announcement would be made in 1-2 months. Nemecek also wrote that he and other employees had gone without a paycheck for some time."

The always classy Kate Mulgrew gave the best answer yet to the "How do you feel about the way things ended" question at a recent con, as reported at TotallyKate: "Am I sorry that Voyager didn't end in a series of feature films that would breed nothing but endless sums of money? Yes of course." '

Lots of buzz for the next film produced by Larry and Andy Wachowski and staring Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving doesn't protect it from bad timing. Though Warner Bros. won't confirm the speculation, word is that V for Vendetta is a little too similar to recent bombings in London, they have decided to push the release of the movie back from its original November 4 premiere to sometime early next year. The movie, based on Alan Moore and David Lloyd's graphic novel, deals with a terrorist who bombs an alternative universe fascist London. The climax of the story centers around a bombing of the London underground.

Lucy Lawless told SCI FI Wire that:"I think a movie would be great, and I'd love to do it...[but] Nobody can agree who owns the rights, and it's a big fat pain in the ass. Rob [producer and her hubby] wants to make it anyway...I know Rob can tell a great story and could come up with a really creative new spin on it, much like David Eick and Ron Moore did with Battlestar Galactica, and make it relevant to today's audience."

FilmForce reports rumors that Olivia Williams will play Dr. Moira MacTaggert, Nobel Prize-winning chemist and ex-flame Professor Xavier. Bill Duke will portray a politician in the president's cabinet, and Michael Murphy will play Warren Worthington Sr., Angel's dad. Shohreh Aghdashloo will play Dr. Kavita Rao, a new character from Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men and geneticist who makes an anti-Mutant serum.

After some script and release date changes, Fox and Marvel have withdrawn their suit against Sony and Revolution for their Tim Allen comedy Zoom, which they claimed was going to be too similar to X-Men.

This Week's Question: What dessert did Neelix whip up to make the American guests from 1937 feel at home?

Send your answer to scifi@about.com. All correctly answering trivia maniacs will have their names mentioned in the next letter. The first winner gets to make a request, anything they like -- within reason -- for the next "Hailing Frequencies" Issue. Please let me know if you don't want me to post your email address if you win.

Last Week's Question is from Lou: We all loved Scotty, but we only saw him love, or start to love, two women in TOS. Name both, as well as their episodes.

Answer: Kara in "Wolf in the Fold" and Lieuenant Mira Romaine in "Lights of Zetar."

Third winner
Bob, who said: Lou is incorrect and so is the trivia question. While it is true that Scotty has shown affection for two women: Lt. Caroline Palamas, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" & Lt. Mira Romaine, "The Lights of Zetar," Scotty's first love has always been the U.S.S. Enterprise. Therefore that, technically, makes it three times not two.

To which I responded: Only if you're still stuck in the sexist '60s, where a spaceship is a greedy, demanding woman. :-p

Send in your best caption for the picture below. The best (as in, my favorite) entry will appear in next week's issue.

Honorable Mentions...

"You taste like ass!!" - Robert

"Your hair is neat, your dress divine, but your breath could frighten Frankenstein...Oh, wait, you are....(with compliments to Dentyne gum)" - Patrece

"How many times have I told you? You CANNOT get in the shower with me. You will melt, just like your Aunty East. *shakes head* She was a REAL witch..." - Patrece

Wraith: "Put my right hand here, suck you life force out, put my right hand here and just pull it all right out."
Ronin: "I don't do the Hokey Pokey...." - Patrece

Ronin: "You get your hair done at Dreads'R'Us too? Small world."
Wraith: "We get a shipwide discount..." - Patrece

These fun house mirrors can sure change how you look" melkayet

"I'll take the short cut, thank you." - Albert

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the bluest one of all?" - Sue

Jennifer wonder once again about the pros and cons of natural fiber wallpaper.” - Raymond

“Yeah,” he nodded solemnly. “I see your problem. Y’all got a mess o’redneck entrails wedged in there… be a bitch t’git out.” - Raymond

Oooh, the wicked stepmother thought. I should clean that mirror more often.- Raymond

“Not yet,” the Wraith midwife told the newborn human. “Go back in and I’ll call you when it’s time to come out.” - Raymond

“I saw Fantastic Voyage… and I really think you’re supposed to shrink me down before I go in there…” - Raymond

"Look what you did to my hair! What kind of salon is this anyway?" - sexualuniverse

"For the last time, I don't want to talk about Jesus!" - sexualuniverse

"How's my breath?" - sexualuniverse

"Wow, the wax mannequins are so realistic. What an eerie pink skin color." - sexualuniverse

"Son, don't ever put windex in the shower nozzle again!" - sexualuniverse

"I really want to kiss you, but I'll smudge my make-up." - sexualuniverse

Evil Smurf returns as a Rastafarian. - sexualuniverse

"Oops. Sorry, Wrong lair." - sexualuniverse

"So, you're Zan's date for the prom. What are your intentions for my daughter?" - sexualuniverse

[Any theories about why the box-office is in a slump, considering all the big-budget sci-fi stuff out there?]

Easy. It sucks. The last sci-fi movie I saw in a theater, indeed the last movie I saw in a theater, was Terminator 2: Judgment Day in 1991. I was so impressed with the whole thing I actually paid to see it a second time. Since then I haven't bothered to waste my money in the cookie cutter giant box theaters and I am not only richer for it but I don't have nightmares of bad movies either. Prime Time and the alphabet networks have barely seen my face for more than 7 years. If it weren't for football or the need to switch to channel 3 for the VCR/DVD they wouldn't see me at all.

Hollywood has totally lost me as a consumer, in the hoped for 18-49 demographic, simply because I no more want to see a puerile remake of "The Dukes of Hazzard", "Gilligan's Island" or "Bewitched" anymore than I want to read "The Stand" rewritten by J.K. Rowling (and nope, never read or seen a Harry Potter anything, thank you very much). "'Salem's Lot" is a perfect example.

I enjoyed the book very much and the movie almost as well. The book made great imagery and the movie came close to it. The mini-series remake was nothing but a rip-off theme remade by morons. I consider making Matt Burke a black teacher an acceptable nod to our politically correct times but what the hell was the point of the narrative that he was gay but accepted if he stayed in the closet? The Priest trying to kill Mears? When the movie came on it was so foreign to me that I thought I had turned to the wrong station. I could go on but what's the point?

HOLLYWOOD!? You want me, and my money, back? Start making something I haven't seen or at least something I have seen with a fresh look. Quit remaking movies from TV shows that were only marginally good to begin with and that gained "classic" status simply by benefit of the passage of time. I don't want to see previous shows and movies butchered by your cretins simply so you can make a buck off of titillation, gore or sheer shock value. I can think of several books that could use a good movie making and would find mass appeal. So here are three suggestions off the top of my head:

"The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove" by Christopher Moore. (When the Pine Cove, CA psychiatrist switches everyone's medication for placebos strange things begin to happen including a rise in the libidos of the locals. Look for a blues guitarist, a beleaguered constable and a sea monster named Steve)

"The Cat Who Walks Through Walls" by Robert A. Heinlein. (Dr. Richard Ames finds his life turned upside down when his dinner companion is shot dead at his table. Soon everybody and their brother thinks he is someone else and they all want him. Dead or alive)

"The Kiln People" by David Brin. (Imagine being a private detective who never has to face the dangerous situations in your job because for a few dollars you can buy a 'ditto'. Albert Morris doesn't have to image because he has used dittos, disposable clay duplicates of himself, any number of times that have been killed a hundred times over. But his investigation of a bootleg ditto ring could make him wish for a few more to take his place)

I may not be brilliant but I know what I like. I like these books, and hundreds more, but you can ignore me and keep turning out crappy remakes for all I care. It remains my dollar and where I spend it is still my decision. Up to you.

Bob

On Alias ... when will actors finally realize that the *reason* they are in films and other projects that make them money is *because* they are on a main stream tv show. Why do they have to leave? It is kind of obvious! Once she leaves, she won't get as many film roles any longer and she won't be that big of a celebrity.

I dunno if this "slid" past your newsdesk in the past couple of weeks but I don't remember seeing it listed on the newsletter. Sliders Season 3 was released on DVD on July 19th. It's the worst of the seasons in my opinion, but for the collector, it's worth having.

The funny thing about Sliders Season 3 is that it suffered so much from the same syndrome that Hollywood is going through right now. Since the writers couldn't come up with anything original, they aired mildly warmed-over contemporary movies or books re-written for the hour-long format.

The most obvious parallels are seen in "Dragonslide," which has undertones of "The Wizard of Oz," "Dead Man Sliding," an episode that reeks of "The Running Man," and "This Slide of Paradise," which is an almost direct ripoff of "The Island of Dr. Moreau."

I can understand using old novels and movies as inspiration, but when a plot you've already experienced in another show is reused, the feeling of deja vu is uncanny. For instance, take "The Island." It was too much like "Logan's Run" for it's own good. Save for the difference in sending people to organ harvesting vs sending them to carousel to vaporize them, it seemed like a direct ripoff to me. Even the progression of the movie was similar. Personally, I preferred the mystery and cheesy grade-B sci-fi effects of "Logan's Run" to "The Island" because I didn't feel like it was trying too hard to use CGI to cover up everything else the movie was lacking.

Eventually, Hollywood will realize that we don't want to see any more big screen makeovers of old TV series. Many of the movies and shows they have chosen to remake were fine in their first iteration and should be allowed to die. The only exception I can think of in recent times is for "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" because Roald Dahl absolutely hated the original.

Producers will have to realize that CGI effects alone cannot make a good movie and that they should be used sparingly, not to take the place of an engaging plot. I understand that not every film can be serious, engaging, or intelligent, but the horrible fluff we are being spoon-fed right now one movie after another has got to go. Perhaps the Rotten Tomatoes box office leaderboard should be the desktop background of every movie producer's laptop. It might remind them that they need to suck a lot less if they want people to return to the theaters and slurp up their DVDs.

Next week's topic: What is the most original movie or TV show you've seen recently?

Send me something if you've got something to say. It can be about anything that's on your mind! (Please let me know if you don't want your email address to accompany your name in either contest or for the LTE.)

1. Four Brothers..........................................$28,582,220
2 The Skeleton Key......................................$21,281,280
3 The Wedding Crashers..............................$168,240,730
4 The Dukes of Hazzard................................$61,843,713
5 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory..............$187,224,788
6 March of the Penguins...............................$40,876,144
7 Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo...................$12,674,018
8 Sky High..................................................$46,039,389
9 Must Love Dogs........................................$36,264,298
10 Supercross.................................................$427,674

1. Medium 4.6
2. Desperate Housewives 3.7
3. Lost 3.1
4. Smallville 1.3
5. Charmed 1.0

1. Stargate SG-1 1.7
2. The X-Files 1.4
3. The Twilight Zone 1.3
4. Andromeda 1.2
5. Mutant X 1.2
6. She Spies 1.2
7. Buffy 1.1
8. The Outer Limits 1.1
9. Angel 0.9
10. Ripley's 0.8

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
2. Eldest (Inheritance 2)
3. The Historian
4. Harry Potter paper box set
5. The Da Vinci Code
6. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
7. Angels and Demons
8. The Time Traveler's Wife
9. Chronicles of Narnia box set
10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

1. Sin City
2. Star Wars: Episode III
3. The Muppet Show
4. Lost season one
5. Kung Fu Hustle
6. Firefly complete series
7.Stargate SG-1 season eight
8. Alias season four
9. Battlestar Galactica season one
10. Cinderella platinum edition