Star Trek Voyager Reviews Written by Someone Who Actually LIKES the Show! -- Maneuvers

Hello there, and welcome to -- Oh no! It's my old boyfriend from college, Seskon! Why have you come here? What? No, this isn't your T-shirt. It's mine! I clearly remember buying it! Ah, I see you've brought your friends. Well, you can't have the T-shirt, and if you try to take it from me by force, I'll use this self-destruct device to blow up my apartment. I'm not kidding! Oh no! You're using your intimate knowledge of me you gained through our relationship to manipulate and confuse me! What do you mean, I look fat? Well, take that! [I spray Seskon with some mace my mother sent me.] Now who's confused! Oh, go ahead and shake your fist at me, you little scum-sucking --

What was that, dear readers? You say you're not interested in my old boyfriend's quest to wreak vengeance upon me? Then I'm afraid you may not like this spoiler-filled review of the Star Trek Voyager episode, "Maneuvers." It's about Chakotay's old squeeze, not mine, but the principle's the s-- well, similar, anyway. Now, I know there are those of us who love intricate plot lines that develop over several episodes, and this review is meant for their enjoyment. If you like your sci-fi a little more pithy...

...may I suggest a trip to Color in Motion?

What? Still here? Great! Now that I've scared off those losers with my boyfriend saga, let us Voyager fans get to the good stuff!

INITIAL VIEWER EXPERIENCE
What a great villain Seska makes!...Evil!...Evil!...Oh, no, Chakotay, Star Trek heroes get into trouble on their own...Oh, like there's any question whether they're going to rescue him or not...Ouch! Poor Chakotay!...Ouch, Poor Chakotay.

PLOT
Chakotay and Torres are in their rec clothes as they stand in the turbo-lift on the way to the bridge discussing their interrupted hoverball game. Although Torres was eight points ahead of Chakotay, he says he was confident he would win in the end, because Torres would tense up.

On the bridge, Janeway announces that they're receiving a signal from a Federation beacon. Everyone shows various levels of excitement at the possibility that Starfleet may have found some way to look for them. They check the code date, and it's current, so they head for the beacon, which is hidden in a cloud of space dust.

Janeway snaps a tractor on that beacon, and out from the cloud pops a Kazon ship which fires at them expertly and knocks out warp drive. Somehow, the Kazon are matching the frequency of their fire to Voyager's shields. It's as if someone knows their access codes.

Hmmm. Who could it be?

A small Kazon ship runs right through the disruption the Kazon's fire has made in Voyager's shields and rams the ship right in the cargo bay (That's gotta hurt!). Voyager does the shake, rattle, and roll while the computer sounds Intruder Alert.

In the cargo bay, Kazon emerge from the little craft and get into a phaser fight with Tuvok and company. Two Kazon make it to the transporter room, where they steal a transporter module and beam off the ship. They also manage to disable the transporter after this so that Voyager can't beam them back

Janeway gets the large Kazon ship in a tractor beam, but Maj Culluh (remember him?) appears on the viewscreen and introduces his new right-hand person: Seska, who's looking very Cardassian these days, and very pleased indeed to have the upper hand over Janeway, Chakotay, and all the little people. Seska smiles sweetly at Chakotay and starts a feedback loops in the tractor beam that breaks the Kazon ship free. Another second, and the Kazon have gone into warp. Chakotay looks likes he feels awful.

Janeway and her crew look over the Kazon shuttle in the cargo bay hull, disgusted that they could be bested by Seska and a few Kazon. Tuvok points out that Seska does have Starfleet, Maquis, and Cardassian tactical experience. Torres responds that they'll have to tow the ship out with one of their own shuttles before they can even think about moving Voyager anywhere.

Janeway is eager to chase after the Kazon, and when Neelix questions the necessity of following Seska and Culluh, Janeway makes it clear that retrieving the stolen Federation technology is the A-1 priority.

Chakotay tells Janeway that the warp trail the Kazon have left seems like an obvious come-hither from Seska. If she's waiting to spring a trap on Voyager, then they need to have some tricks up their sleeve as well. Tuvok makes the incredibly indelicate suggestion (and enjoys himself while doing it, I think) that Chakotay can use his intimate knowledge of Seska against her, just as she has used hers of him against Voyager.

With Seska behind him, Culluh tries to get other Kazon leaders to join him in an attack against Voyager.

Torres and Chakotay figure out how they can rig up this doo-hickey to find the transporter module and then destroy it with an anti-proton doo-hickey. Torres gets a reluctant Chakotay to discuss how betrayed and personally responsible he feels for Seska's actions. Torres reminds Chakotay that Seska was also supposedly her best friend, and warns him, "Don't tense up."

He looks at her. "So now I'm getting advice on controlling my emotions from you?"

Yep.

The two Kazon leaders don't think much of Culluh, telling him that the glory days of his grandfather are gone. Using only her eyebrows, Seska controls the whole show, and Culluh allows the leaders to leave.

Seska's eyebrows get explained when Voyager finds those two Kazon leaders floating in space. The Doctor says they were still alive when beamed into space, and they realize Seska used the transporter as a weapon. This makes Chakotay feel even worse.

So bad does our stalwart first officer feel, in fact, that he plays hooky from Janeway's conference. Our more-stalwart-than-thou captain gets mighty P.O.'d when she finds out from Tuvok that Chakotay left Voyager in a shuttle without Security noticing. A survey of Chakotay's personal logs reveals nothing about his plans either. Torres reports that the transporter-locator doo-hickey is missing.

Janeway snaps at Tuvok an order to tighten security protocols and has Paris plot a course to follow Chakotay.

Culluh and Seska plot and gloat, though it's clear Seska's playing a dangerous game of power and control with the Kazon. She makes shows of obedience and leads him by the nose. I wonder if staying on Voyager was really all that bad for her compared to kissing up to this wrinkled dung-head. Anyway, they decide to try their luck convincing other Kazon sects to attack Voyager with them.

Torres goes to Janeway's ready room and defends his actions. She says he feels betrayed and is trying to protect the ship from Seska. Janeway applauds Torres' loyalty and says she wants first to retrieve Chakotay, then think about disciplining him. Her eyes, however, show that she's still really P.O.'d.

Chakotay sneaks his shuttle right next to the Kazon ship and starts scanning for the transporter module, but Seska sniffs him out by bouncing pulses off his shuttle. She foils his anti-proton thing by firing on the shuttle and then contacts him, telling him that resistance is futile (or something like that).

Chakotay sends out a message beacon and takes the inertial dampeners off-line, then beams over to the Kazon ship. The Kazon tractor the shuttle in, but find it empty, and this confuses the poorly-coifed foes long enough for Chakotay to make it to Seska and the transporter module, which he destroys. He orders the buoy to send his message and surrenders to Seska.

Voyager receives this message. Chakotay comes on the viewscreen and says he's if they're hearing this the transporter module has been destroyed and he's probably dead, so don't come after him.

On the Kazon ship, Chakotay gets kicked around, then Seska takes over his interrogation and makes nice, offering him a drink and all that. He tells her only that he's wiped the shuttle's computer core so that it's useless to her, and he wishes she'd just kill him already. But Seska wants his command codes because the Kazon are going to take Voyager. Chakotay is strangely reluctant to share his codes, and Seska says Culluh will work on him next.

Tuvok urges Janeway not to go after Chakotay [That's one Vulcan with a ‘tude!] while Torres urges a rescue. Torres wins over the captain by asking her how she thinks Chakotay's death would affect ship's morale.

Meanwhile, Culluh's beaten up Chakotay pretty badly, but the commander just taunts him with stories of how he and Seska used to play footsies and look at china patterns together. Culluh starts to boil while Chakotay warns him that Seska's just using him by offering flattery, devotion, and sex. Culluh finally has Chakotay drugged, so Chakotay tells him the truth:

"When Seska's through with you, she'll kill you."

Seska gets Culluh to leave Chakotay alone for awhile, then sticks some sort of probe into his neck. [I think it was here that I said my first "Poor Chakotay." That probe looks painful.]

Tuvok reports a convergence of Kazon ahead, and Janeway asks Neelix if he thinks the Kazon may have formed an alliance. Neelix says there hasn't been one since the initial Kazon uprising. Janeway says they need to retrieve Chakotay without a fight, and Torres explains that they could beam Chakotay over to Voyager while still in warp. She's done it before in her Maquis days.

Culluh gets a new Kazon alliance meeting going with major chest-thumping action. Culluh claims to have Voyager's command codes and drags out a really beat-up-looking Chakotay to prove it.

Voyager closes in. Torres finds that there's a dampening field around Chakotay that disrupts the transporters. Culluh fires at Voyager while the other Kazon ask him why he isn't using Voyager's command codes. Torres beams Chakotay over to Voyager, but then loses him as Seska remodulates her dampening field. Voyager fires as Culluh bluffs to the Kazon as Janeway orders Paris and Tuvok to dodge and fire as the Kazon leaders get impatient with Culluh as Seska goes to the Kazon bridge as Voyager's shields buckle as Janeway gets an idea.

Just as Culluh's meeting is breaking up, Voyager beams over the whole lot of them (except Seska, dangit!) to trade for Chakotay and the shuttle. [Hey! that's a shuttle they don't lose!]

In the aftermath in her ready room, Janeway asks Chakotay what he was thinking when he decided to break the chain of command and go off on a cowboy mission. Chakotay says he wanted to take responsibility, and Janeway says she's putting him on report, if that means anything anymore. Chakotay does seem hurt by this and says it means he's let her down, and he's sorry.

But life isn't done kicking Chakotay around. Voyager finds yet another message buoy, and this one is personal for Chakotay, who makes the mistake of opening his private mail on the bridge. Seska congratulates him for his successful mission, and says she's impregnated herself with his DNA. He's going to be a father.

Poor Chakotay!